Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
