Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
should my penis look like a turkey
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
