How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
