I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
