I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
