I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
