i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
