She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
