a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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