i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
