omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
