I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize