I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
