This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
