She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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