In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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