Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
