Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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