everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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