those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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