how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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