found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
