Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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