There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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