dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
