After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
