So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
