The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
