You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
