Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
