I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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