I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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