:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize