SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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