I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
