she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize