I puked a lego.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
