he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Two words: blizzard sex
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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