why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
