Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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