i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
