well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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