We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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