I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
