if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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