Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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