I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
