We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
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The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
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University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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