Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
