This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
