Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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