What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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