Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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