I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
