god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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