I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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