just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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