last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
