Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
That accounts for only three of the penises
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
